To: those who don’t know what the end of a garage sale looks like
From: The expert of get-it-out-of-my-house-NOW!
This is what your garage sale should look like when it’s all said and done.
|This is my front step|
Let me translate for you.
The sign says, “Courage Center take it all. Everything above this sign. Everything below this sign. Everything to right of the this sign. Everything to the left of this sign. Take it all!”
Let me tell you how to end your garage sale successfully.
Preface: Receive a call Thursday night that asks you for any clothing or household donation you may have. Listen as they tell you that a truck is coming on Monday to pick up any donations. Try to retain your glee as you confirm that, “YES!IWILLHAVEITEMSTODONATE!”
Step Number 1: On the last day of your sale, let your irlbff bring over her stuff that she has been accumulating all summer to sell at a garage sale but hasn’t had the energy to put on.
Step Number 2: Chasten her for carrying large boxes full of heavy wares while she is 23 weeks pregnant.
Step Number 3: Chasten her again for arguing.
Step Number 4: Shush her by grabbing the said boxes away from her.
Step Number 5: Enjoy the day with her three children, the neighbor’s grandchildren, the neighbor’s daughter’s friend’s girl, and your four children: equaling in all 10 little ones–oldest being 7.
Step Number 6: When the neighbor’s grandchildren and daughter leave to go to the airport, invite the neighbor’s daughter’s friend to stay for lunch. Make lunch for 2 pregnant ladies and leave them in charge of the 8 remaining children in the yard.
Step Number 7: When your irlbff decides to leave, encourage her to leave everything she just toted across the miles to your house because it is “no problem” for you to get rid of it. Just tell her you’re putting it on the curb when it’s all said and done.
Step Number 8: Watch as she decides what she wants to do with that information.
Step Number 9: Talk to your neighbor about cleaning up the garage sale, have your oldest child hear her say the kids can come and play at her house, and listen to begging for 10 minutes about going over.
Step Number 10: Send them away.
Step Number 11: Move all the furniture into the garage. The living room furniture that did not sell? Yeah, that furniture.
Step Number 12: When the sale is officially closed, encourage the last straggler to stop and take a look around. You will not have had a lot of business and would like to unload the rest of your items on this unsuspecting customer. You will do your darnedest–AND IT WILL WORK! They will toss $10 at you and you will be thrilled and yet unsure of how you are going to divide the spoils with your irlbff.
Step Number 13: Move all the rock polishing equipment (that you don’t want at all) back into the garage. Realize that you will not need to exercise for the next 3 months!
Step Number 14: On Sunday night, move the remaining items to the front step, label it, and realize that most of it didn’t even belong to you in the first place. The big stuff you wanted to sell is still in your possession in the garage waiting patiently to be sold.
Because be sold it must!
Step Number 15: Come home from a busy day at the state fair and see nothing on your front step!
And the choir sings, “HALLEUJAH!!!!”