To: Moms who want to enjoy the summer with their little girls and even their little boys
From: A Mom who sometimes doesn’t but feels like she should.
1. Talk about a tea party all summer long but keep pushing it off. This is very important. If you skip this step, the tea party will not be. It just won’t be.
2. Suddenly realize that summer is almost done. What happened?
3. Listen to your children talk about a tea party yet again and then, figure out that there are only 3 more weekends left in the summer.
4. Decide that you will be doing this tea party, so help me, if it’s the last thing you ever do.
5. Plan the entire thing on the way to church: Make up a guest list that you will have to remember entirely in your head because you can’t write it down being that you are driving, ask what will be on the menu, and discuss games that will be played–include making up your own game called Tea Party Tag. What is Tea Party Tag? You will not know. But it sounds fun doesn’t it?
6. The next day give the girls paper and tell them to draw flowers for invitations.
I guess you have to be specific. Little flowers around the edges is what I was thinking, but flowers and trees and birds over the entire card will do just fine! Did you catch what was happening in the top invitation?
7. You will need to scurry and send out the invitations all the while remembering to talk to one girl’s mom to see if she can invite another little girl that you won’t even know her last name but it’s very important that she be invited.
8. And you must decide to invite boys, too because little boys in England attend teas, why not American boys? Plus a little boy was helping to host this tea party. We are an equal opportunity family around here!
8 1/2. Tell your husband that he needs to mow the yard, promise him that you will help by mowing the backyard not the front (as you are still learning how to drive the tractor and it’s better for everyone in the neighborhood if you just stick to the back), and then do the front yard anyway. In the process of mowing said yard, run into the flower bed and destroy the stones bordering it. Immediately decide that you will continue mowing the yard because you don’t want to get off the mower having it quit and then have to get the neighbor over again to help you get it started for the third time. When you are done mowing the front, hop quickly off the mower scrabbling to fix the flower bed.
9. Another important step is this: the night before the said tea party, make sure your husband’s cousin goes into labor and have her request your presence in the birthing room. Feel all honored that you have been chosen to be a part of something so significant that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you are there; even calling one of the guest’s moms to see if she would make mini teacakes so that you can go to the hospital. Decide that the best way to get her your minimuffin pan and cake mix would be to drop them off at your husband’s former work location, tell her to ask for his former boss, comment that the former boss is going to love you for this, and listen as your friend says, “let me just meet you there.” Agree to that. It’s way easier.
10. Go to the hospital with the laboring mama. Walk around the hospital with said pregnant lady, her mom, her brother, and her post partum doula who happened to be available.
Make this comment, “If you had told me 13 years ago that I would be walking around a hospital with a pregnant Mel doing deep knee bends, I would never have believed you. But now look at me!” Giggle and then discuss how many years it has actually been since you met them and settle on 14. After it is all said and done, watch her get discharged to wait until she has progressed a little further.
11. Go home slightly relieved and slightly depressed that now you won’t get to be with her when her baby arrives. Decide it’s okay because you have to have a tea party!
12. On the morning of the tea party, have a sudden inspiration. Everyone will decorate their own plate for their food.
14. Have another inspiration. This one is very important: How to play Tea Party
Tag. Only rename it Tea Pot Tag. Try to get over the name Tea Pot Tag. And tell yourself the rules: Once you get tagged, you are a teapot until someone tips you over and pours you out. Ask who wants to be it and realize it’s gotta be you or no one! So here we go!
|What is wrong with my arms?|
15. Have your final inspiration (you will get tired from all these inspirations, let me tell you) for your last game. This inspiration will happen when you find an empty box sitting around your house and notice that someone didn’t put the Hulk Basketball away. Here are all the supplies you will need for a Ball Toss: You gotta put Hulk away because he doesn’t belong at a tea party. So get everyone involved!
16. Send everyone away happy and excited for the next tea party. Be excited yourself as it was the easiest party you have ever (and I do mean ever) thrown.