Because really, that’s what it is. You aren’t donating when they pay you for it!
First, you ask your non-cousin cousin, Matt (you all remember Matt, right?) if he can come watch the children for approximately 3 hours. He will state that if you could get home any earlier it would be helpful for him to be able to get to class on time. You will say sheepishly,”Uh, I don’t know if Iwill be able to because I am going to see if I can donate plasma and I have to have this long appointment to do that.” And yet, he will agree because that’s just the coolness level of your non-cousin cousin.
When, he comes over on the specified day, you make sure that he knows what everyone can eat, and then you take off.
You arrive in the laboratory–because that’s what it is–and you notice this awful smell. You will then say to yourself that it is completely okay. That odor means that everything is sterile–maybe.
A white labcoat tells you to sign in and read an incredibly daunting binder full of paperwork. “Just familiarize yourself with this. The nurse will go over it all at your physical.”
Uh, thank you? I think.
After reading for 10 minutes all the different possible scary situations that could happen, you think, “was this really necessary? Couldn’t this have waited until the nurse goes over it with me? I don’t know if this is the best idea! What if I find out I’m really sick and I don’t realize it!”
Just as you are about to decide to make a hasty exit, a white labcoat calls your name–perfectly, I might add–and you are obligated to go up to the counter. The counter where they take your picture, take your fingerprint 41 times, make you read an agreement statement out loud, and answer more questions.
Then, the white labcoat (who is very nice–because they have to be. They are going to stick you with a needle and take your blood out, play with it, and put it back in! They better be nice!) says, “We are going to see how good your veins are.”
They bring you back to a “chair” and make you lay down and put a blood pressure cuff on to see if they can find a vein. They tell you to make a fist and then proceed to bang their fingers into your elbow joint multiple times.
At this point, you will find it necessary to explain to them that when you had all your babies your veins collapsed. To which they will say, “That’s not very promising for donating plasma.”
But they don’t stop there. “It’s really important that your veins can take the stress since we use a 17 gauge needle. It’s a really big needle……” You won’t hear anymore after that.
And you will think, “Phew.”
Is that wrong? Let me assure you that it is not wrong to be relieved that they are not going to jab you with a really big needle!
They will then proceed to put the blood pressure cuff on the other arm and continue with the finger banging on the elbow joint. What will they find?
And besides being slightly –and only slightly–disappointed, you walk out of the laboratory breathing easy. You won’t even pay attention to all the instructions about how you can build up your veins and come back in a couple of months to try again!
Build up your veins? I don’t think so! I am perfectly happy with the size of my veins!