Chris is an awesome man. He works hard to provide for his family. He loves his children. Apparently, he is enamoured by me (for which I am grateful and find hard to believe for many reasons). He has a sensitive heart, and he hardly complains at all.
I love my husband, but this post is not about me trying to convince you of how great he is. Yes, he is great (I know this is a poor adjective, but just go with), and yes, I am blessed. This post is more about my responsibility as his wife.
As his wife, I am his cheerleader, best friend, and even protector. As his cheerleader, I have to learn what motivates him. Not necessarily to do what I want him to do. I need to learn to triumph in his successes (but not too much because that’s just annoying and can be perceived as insincere) and to encourage him in his “try-agains.” I don’t want to call them failures because that would make him feel like one. Yes, it is semantics. But a cheerleader doesn’t shout from the sideline, “You got tackled and fumbled the ball! What are you going to do?” A cheerleader shouts, “That’s okay! You’ll get it next time!” (or something to that effect)
I have to make sure that I’m sincere in all of this. It can’t be half hearted. It needs to be real.
As his wife, I am his best friend. I should be the one who welcomes his frustrations about work or uncertainities about the house. I need to have a welcoming spirit that he can’t wait to come home to and see his family (namely me!). Rarely should I meet him at the door with a frown on my face and a baby for him to take. He needs to be wanted as a person and not as “Dad.” Best friends enjoy each other’s company.
Most importantly, I am his protector. It is my job to show my husband in a positive light. I can be real about struggles we have, but in no way should I elude to the fact that it’s his fault.
Especially when we are in a mutually compatible relationship. We are both healthy and both able-bodied. There are some relationships where the wife or husband is in an abusive situation where the fault does lie with someone.
For me, I can’t blame everything on my husband. I can’t use him as an excuse for the decisions I make. The lame things that happen in my life are not due to him. It is my job to protect his reputation. People should not think poorly of him because of me.
If he tells me not to do something, I should not say, “My husband won’t let me do it.” And therefore make him look like the bad guy. He has his reasons for saying no. It’s not because he hates me or hates whoever is involved. It’s because he loves me and cares about his family. It’s because he misses me and wants to spend time with me. It’s because he can see how that choice could affect the children.
I should learn what his reasons are and not exploit my opinion to whomever will listen. I need to protect him and be thankful for him.
Even when it seems like too much to ask.