I suddenly realized that I am in my mid-life. I will be celebrating my 34th birthday soon, and it recently struck me that I am completely out of my twenties. I’m not just a little bit out of my twenties. They are done. I can’t even pretend I’m twenty.
I have lines on my forehead and wrinkles around my eyes. On my cheek, there is an age spot. It just showed up one day. I didn’t notice before I went to bed, and then one morning, there it was! For a couple of weeks, I tried to wash it off because I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Then, it hit me. That’s an age spot, and it’s not going away.
The next thing that I contemplated was that I can’t eat anything and everything I want to eat anymore. And it’s not only about maintaining or losing weight. If I want to live a long life, I should probably eat an apple, drink some more water, and stop taking seconds all the time. Sure, I would love to have ice cream every night and 2 cookies with lunch everyday and fast food weekly, but my body can’t process that junk into positive energy anymore. That kind of diet makes me sluggish and sick.
Overall, the thing that gets me thinking the most is that now I am supposed to be an adult. I’m supposed to have wisdom and life experience. As I get older, I am realizing that I really don’t know very much at all. My life is so small, and there is so much more to consider than just what I’ve experienced. My mom talks to me as an equal and asks for my opinion. My dad agrees with ideas that I have like I’m a colleague. He’s not just humoring me.
I just can’t wrap my head around this. If I don’t consider myself an adult now, will I consider myself grown up in 10 years? 20 years? When will I feel grown up? Will I ever feel grown up? Or is it all relative? When I’m around my kids I feel all old, but when I’m by myself or with my family/friends, I feel like the same dumb me.
Is there ever a point when you realize “I’ve arrived”?
Part of me wants to “arrive” and part of me wants to always be learning and growing (even if it is inconsequential facts) so that when I do arrive, it’s in Heaven.