Do you want to know what the worst sound in the world is?
Thumpathumpathumpathump. Thump. Thump.
When you realize that it’s your baby falling down a full flight of stairs, that’s the worst sound in the world.
It sounds just like a pair of winter boots tumbling down the stairs.
Only boots don’t lie face down on the basement floor screaming at the top of their lungs.
It was completely my fault. I knew there wasn’t a gate up yet. I knew Squirt was pretty close to the stairs. I knew all this and yet, because I didn’t think he could move that fast, it didn’t spur me to action.
Until the first thump.
Then, Sweet Girl was pushed out of the way, Storygirl was ignored, and Sir was oblivious to the whole thing. All that mattered at that moment was Squirt!
He’s okay. He doesn’t even have a bruise, and he wasn’t knocked unconscious since he was crying. With my heart beating 100 beats a second, I looked him over, and then nursed him.
After 10 minutes and a fight with Chris, I started sobbing. Uncontrollably. For the afternoon.
The memory of the sound of Squirt’s body thumping down the stairs made me nauseous. It still makes me nauseous. But yet, I don’t want to stop thinking about it because it should not be forgotten.
I could have lost Squirt because of my own stupidity.
I will never forget that.
And I will never deny him cuddles because I never know if it could possibly be the last.