In A Mood

I hope you read that as in a mood and not in the mood.
Because I am definitely not in the mood for anything.

Gorgeous, isn’t it?  I know you are all jealous of my natural beauty!

Except for eating my chocolate torte and drinking a tall glass of milk.

Which I have done and would love to do again but instead will try and restrain myself.

It’s in moments like this evening when I must remind myself continuously that I WANTED to have 4 children.

That it was my DREAM to have 4 children.

And now I am LIVING my dream.

Though to continue from here, paralyzes me.

My mother-in-law and I were talking about my blog one day, and in the midst of our discussion, she stated that she knew someone who didn’t like to read my blog because she thought I complained all the time about everything.  (My sweet mother in law did not expand it that far, but that’s where my emotions and brain took me.)

She told me this during the summer, so it has been a few months for me to process this.  I don’t feel like I complain, but you know, I guess what I think is humorous MAY sound like complaining to someone.  It’s not my intent to whine.  Do I whine to my mother?  Oh, yes!  Do I verbally assault my husband sometimes?  Without a doubt.  Do I lose my temper with my superstars and forget about being gentle and kind?  Uh-huh.
 But complaining and whining just for the sake of being negative?  Not so much.

Today I want to complain. I want to sit in my wretched mood and complain about how going to the store with the superstars wasn’t so bad except that Wordgirl was acting like the Queen Bee by leading the pack and then stopping for no apparent reason and making her brother and sister stop and thus blocking traffic in the store (they were all pushing little customer-in-training carts, so it was a long train).  I want to moan about the fact that Princess Pea is getting very sick and all day she wouldn’t obey me the first time I asked her to do anything and I’m tired of coming up with options for her to choose because  I’m really not asking her to do hard things.  COME ON!  I want to explain that I am sitting here writing with baby puffs stuck to my jeans because Dash–my 2 1/2 year old–decided that he needed the container and then spilled them all over the floor.  And while he helped to pick up many of them (and it was super cute) and while he ate about 2/3’s of the rest of them, they still attached themselves to my clothes!  Even JackJack was having a rough time tonight because he was hungry and exhausted since his afternoon nap was decidedly short!  So while we were in the presence of the public, he was charming, but as soon as we arrived home, he was done.  Done.  Done.  DONE!

All this and Chris had to work close tonight, so he won’t be home for over an hour yet. 


You know what?  That felt really great!  I am a firm believer that we need to acknowledge our feelings and sit in them a while.  God gave us emotions.  And He didn’t give them to us to ignore.  We are created in His image.  All throughout the prophetic books, God tells us what He’s feeling.  He may be complaining, but so what?  Not everything is hunky dory!  Not everything has a silver lining.  Some things just stink and we would be lying to say they don’t.
With that said, I do have to admit that I’m so so blessed that the things that stink in my life right now are baby puffs stuck to my clothes and a healthy girl who is trying to be helpful but instead is irritating.  I am SO BLESSED.  Thank you, Lord! 

But if I don’t acknowledge the feelings that I have, am I being honest?  Am I being real?

My friend, Amanda, had a huge scare a few weeks ago.  She didn’t know what to do with it, so she told us about her feelings.  Then, when the good news came (and it was AWESOME news), she was able to rejoice and we with her!  If she hadn’t been real, we would have never been able to experience God’s amazing grace with her! 

So I’m sorry if you think I complain.  That’s not my intention.
 I pray that you can see my heart.
And find the humor along with me.


About giannarae

I am a child of God who has been given the humbling job of being a wife and a mother to 4. Those whom He has given to me are my Sweet Peas and Buddies and one Honey.
This entry was posted in bible, family, on gianna's mind, superstars. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to In A Mood

  1. Megan says:

    I LOVE you! I don't think you complain – and I'm happy to listen to it if you need to!

    I am nearly in tears here laughing to myself considering the baby puffs stuck to your clothes and the long line of customer in training carts at the store as WordGirl stopped holding them all up. You have incredible patience. My kids never would have gotten carts in the first place. : ) You're super cool!

    It is good to be reminded that we once dreamed of our children, that we passionately love our children, and that God is for them and us all the time. I often walk around my house quietly reminding myself that I really wanted to adopt all of these kids. And then that I still want to do it some more. I say things like, “You used to be a teacher. You love children. You can do this. No I can't. But God can.” Yes, yes I do talk to myself that much.

  2. Oh, how HE has spoken through you this morning. But I don't have time to sit in my feelings, or let the emotions flow, cuz then I'll need to re-do my makeup and I'll be late for work. (Yes. I'm being a bit cynical.)
    Seriously, I so appreciate your words. I know you're speaking truth. And when I can find the time I will compose a post like this one – letting my feelings out and allowing God to love me through them.
    Yeah. When I can find the time. (Being cynical again. Sorry. *sheepish grin*)

    Love you, friend!

  3. I love you, girl! I think its pretty obvious what your sense of humor is…and it's NOT complaining! Keep writing in YOUR own style because the people who read your blog love it. We love YOU.

    You're great, Gianna!

  4. Bren says:

    Real, honest, love you being that way. I think those around me that are always happy and nothing is ever wrong are the ones I quit trusting.

  5. gianna says:

    Wow! You guys saw right through me and into my heart.

    Thanks for all your words of encouragement.

    Seriously, I need to print these and put them up around me when I am feeling down about myself.

    Thank you guys!

  6. I don't think you complain!! :o)

    being real… that's where its at don't ya know! :o)

  7. Jenny Aust says:

    I am so proud of you for posting your feelings like this! It is so hard to be vulnerable and transparent. I feel like I'm in a “fishbowl” with being in full time ministry, and I've kept a lot of things to myself lately. But I think that's one of Satan's greatest tactics…make us feel like we're alone and encourage us to keep putting on facades and happy faces.

    I love you Gianna! I saw how gentle and caring you were with your kids…how you looked at them directly and spent time with each one. You can do it mama…God will do it through you!!!

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