I hope you read that as in a mood and not in the mood.
Because I am definitely not in the mood for anything.
|Gorgeous, isn’t it? I know you are all jealous of my natural beauty!
Except for eating my chocolate torte and drinking a tall glass of milk.
Which I have done and would love to do again but instead will try and restrain myself.
It’s in moments like this evening when I must remind myself continuously that I WANTED to have 4 children.
That it was my DREAM to have 4 children.
And now I am LIVING my dream.
Though to continue from here, paralyzes me.
My mother-in-law and I were talking about my blog one day, and in the midst of our discussion, she stated that she knew someone who didn’t like to read my blog because she thought I complained all the time about everything. (My sweet mother in law did not expand it that far, but that’s where my emotions and brain took me.)
She told me this during the summer, so it has been a few months for me to process this. I don’t feel like I complain, but you know, I guess what I think is humorous MAY sound like complaining to someone. It’s not my intent to whine. Do I whine to my mother? Oh, yes! Do I verbally assault my husband sometimes? Without a doubt. Do I lose my temper with my superstars and forget about being gentle and kind? Uh-huh.
But complaining and whining just for the sake of being negative? Not so much.
Today I want to complain. I want to sit in my wretched mood and complain about how going to the store with the superstars wasn’t so bad except that Wordgirl was acting like the Queen Bee by leading the pack and then stopping for no apparent reason and making her brother and sister stop and thus blocking traffic in the store (they were all pushing little customer-in-training carts, so it was a long train). I want to moan about the fact that Princess Pea is getting very sick and all day she wouldn’t obey me the first time I asked her to do anything and I’m tired of coming up with options for her to choose because I’m really not asking her to do hard things. COME ON! I want to explain that I am sitting here writing with baby puffs stuck to my jeans because Dash–my 2 1/2 year old–decided that he needed the container and then spilled them all over the floor. And while he helped to pick up many of them (and it was super cute) and while he ate about 2/3’s of the rest of them, they still attached themselves to my clothes! Even JackJack was having a rough time tonight because he was hungry and exhausted since his afternoon nap was decidedly short! So while we were in the presence of the public, he was charming, but as soon as we arrived home, he was done. Done. Done. DONE!
All this and Chris had to work close tonight, so he won’t be home for over an hour yet.
You know what? That felt really great! I am a firm believer that we need to acknowledge our feelings and sit in them a while. God gave us emotions. And He didn’t give them to us to ignore. We are created in His image. All throughout the prophetic books, God tells us what He’s feeling. He may be complaining, but so what? Not everything is hunky dory! Not everything has a silver lining. Some things just stink and we would be lying to say they don’t.
With that said, I do have to admit that I’m so so blessed that the things that stink in my life right now are baby puffs stuck to my clothes and a healthy girl who is trying to be helpful but instead is irritating. I am SO BLESSED. Thank you, Lord!
But if I don’t acknowledge the feelings that I have, am I being honest? Am I being real?
My friend, Amanda, had a huge scare a few weeks ago. She didn’t know what to do with it, so she told us about her feelings. Then, when the good news came (and it was AWESOME news), she was able to rejoice and we with her! If she hadn’t been real, we would have never been able to experience God’s amazing grace with her!
So I’m sorry if you think I complain. That’s not my intention.
I pray that you can see my heart.
And find the humor along with me.