A comment on my last With all our Strength post from Carry got me thinking. Although I didn’t agree with it fully because I think everything we do can worship God, it made me think. This question was what came to my mind: Have you ever done something you thought you were doing for the right reasons and when you really examine your heart, you realize that wasn’t why you were doing it in the first place?
That was a really long question.
Okay, let me put it this way. Your 2 year old is having fun playing with markers when suddenly, you realize that he is drawing ALL over the walls. You, then, tell him that coloring is for paper and you make sure he has plenty of paper. When you look up again, he is ignoring the paper and still coloring like a maniac on the walls. You decide to SNATCH the markers away never to open them again.
Is the real reason for taking the markers because you want to teach him a lesson in obeying you? Ooooooorrr are you really thinking, “QUIT making more work for me because NOW I have to wash the walls and the floor on top of EVERYTHING else!”
I can assure you that the real reason that I would take the markers is the first one. (HA! RIGHT! I am SUCH a liar! Marker on the walls is a NIGHTMARE I’ve had and the next day I have awoken to a 18 month old Wordgirl giddily “painting” our house with marker. My nightmare had come true the VERY. NEXT. DAY!!!!!)
Okay, back to my point. With all our Strength is my way of making it look like I’m being really faithful to God with my health, but honestly, I think I am trying to manipulate Him into making me look like I did 15 months ago. I look at pictures of myself then and I am so sad. I LOVE JackJack and I’m so glad I was chosen to be pregnant with him, yet I was so thrilled to be the smallest I have ever been since Chris and I got married. And the way I lost all my weight after Dash was born included honoring God. Quietly.
I think that was the key. God knows when I’m honoring Him truly. And He knows when my heart is not pure.
Right now I am honoring God with my lips and sounding Oh-So-Spiritual when in my heart I think, “Good. This oughta work again.” Yes, I need to honor God and everything, but not to get MY way.
I’m not giving up in my focus to worship God as I take care of myself. And I’m not going to stop this series. But I’m not going to expect God to “fix” me because I am doing the right thing. As long as I am TRULY trying to follow Him with all my choices in life, I will bless Him. And in blessing Him, my life will be richer and fuller–whether I look the way I want to or not.
I needed that heart check.
How’s your heart?
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