This is who I am

I sometimes wish my world was a little bigger.
I wish that I could open my eyes to the beauty around me. (like my mom and brother)
I wish I was not so goal focused and tunnel visioned.
While I am at it–I wish my house wasn’t so cluttered or messy (and I’m not talking about the kid mess.  I’m talking about the grown up mess).
My life is fairly simple.  I am not into decorating.  I am not into fashion (I wear clothes to cover my body as my sisterfriend, Dacia, likes to say).  I am not good at sports (I like to run and bike, but I’m not competetive at either of them).  I am not a book critic like my sister in law, Ruhama.  I don’t have a PhD like my other sister in law, Carissa.  I don’t stop and help people who look like they might need it like my dad since I am a woman and I don’t even have a cell phone (which I am totally okay with, the cell phone part).
I would LOVE to have a blog like A Cup of Jo.  She has a great love for the beautiful (I think she’s a fashion designer).
I would LOVE to take pictures like Amanda or Jess.
I would LOVE to bake like Amanda (she is multi-talented) or cook like Ruhama.
This is what I’ve got…

and this is what I know.
I have opinions about things in the government and about God, etc. And I do share those, but mostly THIS is what I know. 
I can answer the phone, I can file things away (at work, apparently not at home where our file pile is 8 inches tall), and I can tell a funny story (occasionally), but THIS is what I know.
2 little girls and 2 little boys who I love more than I could have ever imagined loving (and at the same time make me go CRAZY!)!
And a senstive, caring, thoughtful, and faithful husband who I do not deserve.
I wish I had a bigger view of the world.
But I guess I’m going to stick with what I know (for now).

About giannarae

I am a child of God who has been given the humbling job of being a wife and a mother to 4. Those whom He has given to me are my Sweet Peas and Buddies and one Honey.
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11 Responses to This is who I am

  1. Megan says:

    I LOVED this today! I, too, wish my house wasn't so cluttered or messy – the adult kind, not the kid kind. I , too, don't decorate or do fashion – but kind of wish I had at least a little bit of style. I'm not competitive, but NEED exercise just to work off the stress of my life, though I'm not real good at it. I am often craving a bigger view of the world which leaves me feeling less satisfied with all the blessings I have been given. Thank you for this precious reminder of my many, many blessings! I think that often, “who I am” and “what I'm good at” is kind of painful – parenting hurt children is just so NOT fun in this stage when the hurt is so fresh and it seems to take so long for them to heal. But it is who I am as a mommy and lover of hurt kiddos and orphan ministry. Thanks for reminding me that God created my heart and gave me the passion that made me who I am.

    And I love you just for being you! What would I do if you became a fashion diva? And if you got your PhD we would become your patients and that would be really awkward!

  2. Jenny Aust says:

    I totally agree with Megan…love, love, LOVE this post! It really is the simple truth, isn't it? We try so hard to be someone we would really like to be, but it's really not that fun or easy trying to live up to that facade. Today I am also resting in the fact that my husband and children are my focus…despite my selfishness in wanting to be or do more.

  3. seems to me that you are quite blessed with what you know. 🙂

  4. Janna says:

    You are changing the world one heartbeat at a time. (via a Stephen Curtis Chapman Song) What you do is extraordinary-so put that in your heart and ponder it:)

  5. Jess says:

    Gianna, thank you so much for your kind words.

    You are a very real and honest blogger, and that is a gift too!

  6. Ah, it is so easy to look at others and wish we were more like them, isn't it?
    Wish I looked like 'her'.
    Would like to write like 'her'.
    It would be nice to cook like 'her'.
    Wouldn't mind having talents like 'her'.
    But then God reminds me, He didn't make me 'her'. He made me 'me'!

    This is who I am.
    And if God has put me here, as I am, I want to embrace this life as it is and glorify Him – as I am.

    Thanks for your honest sharing. You are a blessing!

  7. librariane says:

    My pastor talked about how humans have a small worldview this past Sunday… he was talking about Daniel chapter 1 and how nothing surprises God.

    I must say it was a little weird to see my name TWICE in your post–I don't think of myself being good at anything. No, I should say I don't see myself *excelling* at anything, and often lament this. It's that darn comparison bug again!

  8. ~Joy says:

    Thank you so much for this post today! So many times I wish I was as good as this preson or that person. I need to remember that God made me to be the MOM to my kids and that the few talents I have are for His Glory and that is enough. Thanks for the encouragement!

  9. Anonymous says:

    And all too soon your kiddos will be all grown up. Then there will be time for other adventures and God has already planned surprises for that time. In the meantime, I am so inspired by how much you revel in your amazing children. That is a pretty big world view, my dear. Bjoyful

  10. librariane says:

    Check this out; I found it today:

    Lots of women telling different stories about themselves and concluding that their story is important, no matter what it is!

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