it’s hard to be honest when you don’t know…..

A little while ago, my heart was twisted and squeezed, and it totally caught me off guard.
In fact, I didn’t think that was happening at all.
When I finally realized it, I was so sad,and I thought my friendship with this person was finished.
I called my dad and my friend, Dacia, to ask if I was being a baby.
They assured me that I wasn’t. They assured me that I was hurting, and it was okay to hurt.
For 2 days, I kept thinking, “I really like this person. Do I really not want to spend time with her?”
The ultimate answer was, “of course I want to spend time her.” But my heart hurt so badly that I didn’t know what to do. (edit: I don’t think I explained myself well; the friendship is not lost. We are just going through a painful growth period)
After a series of events, today, I was able to realize that YHWH had already been healing my heart. (part of it had to do with my burned soup–long story, long sad soup story–but totally an answer to prayer. Who woulda thought burned soup–a LOT of burned soup–would be an answer to prayer?)
Some things still need to be figured out.
I have this tiny little problem of thinking that I’m stronger than I actually am. I think that I’m this tough no nonsense person.
Not only do I think it; I believe it!
But my heart is squishy. My heart is vulnerable.
However, I insist on being real even with my mushy heart. So I may be hurt again, but if that’s what it takes to be real, I guess it’s worth it.
Once again, it might take awhile for me to realize it, but as I do, I will admit it and be honest! That’s when we grow! And I want to know and grow!


About giannarae

I am a child of God who has been given the humbling job of being a wife and a mother to 4. Those whom He has given to me are my Sweet Peas and Buddies and one Honey.
This entry was posted in life. friends, on gianna's mind. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to it’s hard to be honest when you don’t know…..

  1. Amanda says:

    I hear you girl. I am hurting about a loss friendship… although, unlike you, I feel that I could have handled it differently and that I made some bad choices. Why do I do that???

    Thanks for sharing this today!

  2. Burned soup. Yes, HE uses everything! This morning He used a loose dog to speak to my heart about a few things. Very creative and resourceful, YHWH is!
    I'm sorry your heart is hurting, and that this friendship is finished, but I have a notion YHWH will use even these things for your good and His glory.
    Love you!

  3. I know I tried to deny emotion in my life-especially the crying and hurting kind after my father died at 11.

    I didn't like to hurt so I tried to be strong and stay aloof but that wasn't healthy either. Someone reminded me that I am human and God created us with emotions and Christ was even emotional HImself.

    To deny emotion is to deny that I am made in the image of my Creator who is full of emotion.

    I enjoy your posts so much b/c they mirror my own struggles and thoughts of past & present.

    In fact I'm putting off a post now b/c i just can't figure out how to express something. But I'm gonna go try.

    I believe some friends are for a season. If this friendship is done it should die a natural death, but maybe not a stab to the heart. Does that make sense?

  4. Anonymous says:

    Ah, yes. The Velveteen Rabbit. đŸ™‚

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