herself the elf

have you ever felt alone? completely alone?
in junior high, i thought i did, but then now i realize that i was too oblivious to feel as alone as i should have at that moment. in eighth grade i got a real hate note shoved into my locker so that when i opened my locker, out came this note mocking everything i that made me a little bit crazy (like the way i wore my socks). my “friends” who sent it to me ended up feeling really bad and so they apologized the same day i got the note. in my stunned stupor, i forgave them without so much as a second thought.
which is the way jesus wants us to forgive.
what i didn’t do was think about how it made me feel. i just wanted everything to go back to being okay.

that is kind of the story of my life. i just want everything to go back to being okay.

in college, i met this beautiful girl, emilie. we were kind of forced together since nwc put us together as roommates my sophomore year and her freshman year. she is one of my dearest friends. i can be myself and cry and laugh and dance and drink hot chocolate and watch movies and NOT talk. we haven’t done this for a long time (since college, probably) and in fact we don’t talk very often anymore but she is the kind of friend that you just pick up right where you left off!

this brings me to my point. right now i feel utterly alone. i know i have my family and i know i have my friends, but i made a decision a while back (that i don’t want to go into) that has me completely trusting in God. no one else can walk with me on this one except God.
emilie has walked her entire life like this!
i don’t really like it. i am really lonely. i want everything to go back to the way it was.
but i know this is where i’m supposed to be.
and i know that emilie is praying for me.

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About giannarae

I am a child of God who has been given the humbling job of being a wife and a mother to 4. Those whom He has given to me are my Sweet Peas and Buddies and one Honey.
This entry was posted in life. friends, on gianna's mind. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to herself the elf

  1. Jenny Aust says:

    I LOVE Emilie too! We were hoping to see them this weekend at the youthworkers retreat, but we won’t. Bummer! What a great tribute!!! (And, even though I don’t know what you are struggling with, I’ll be praying for you as well.)

  2. Cute picture! And it sounds like you two have a great relationship.

    And I know exactly what you mean about wanting everything to go back to being okay.

    Good luck on your journey…

  3. shawna b says:

    yah for long time best friends!!!
    i think youre fabulous. 🙂

  4. Bren says:

    Praying for you! I hate being the only one in my shoes sometimes. God provides people we need when we need them, but sometimes you want them right NOW! 🙂

  5. Anonymous says:

    Reading of your journey reminded me of a process (with visualization) that God invited me to take many years ago. Especially after college, I became aware of God gently prying open my clam shell. I remember being uncomfortable but grateful God was taking me on this journey. And even when I would crawl back into the shell, looking for safety in the darkness, I knew that there was no avenue of complete retreat for God’s work had severed a few of the shell-holding-closed muscles, never to be reattached. And I love remembering that “a bruised reed He will not destroy.”
    (I don’t care if I bread a plant stem, but God pays careful attention even when the stem is bent!)
    Love, Mom K.

  6. GeoLeoF says:

    He will never leave us or forsake us.

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