have you ever felt alone? completely alone?
in junior high, i thought i did, but then now i realize that i was too oblivious to feel as alone as i should have at that moment. in eighth grade i got a real hate note shoved into my locker so that when i opened my locker, out came this note mocking everything i that made me a little bit crazy (like the way i wore my socks). my “friends” who sent it to me ended up feeling really bad and so they apologized the same day i got the note. in my stunned stupor, i forgave them without so much as a second thought.
which is the way jesus wants us to forgive.
what i didn’t do was think about how it made me feel. i just wanted everything to go back to being okay.
that is kind of the story of my life. i just want everything to go back to being okay.
in college, i met this beautiful girl, emilie. we were kind of forced together since nwc put us together as roommates my sophomore year and her freshman year. she is one of my dearest friends. i can be myself and cry and laugh and dance and drink hot chocolate and watch movies and NOT talk. we haven’t done this for a long time (since college, probably) and in fact we don’t talk very often anymore but she is the kind of friend that you just pick up right where you left off!
this brings me to my point. right now i feel utterly alone. i know i have my family and i know i have my friends, but i made a decision a while back (that i don’t want to go into) that has me completely trusting in God. no one else can walk with me on this one except God.
emilie has walked her entire life like this!
i don’t really like it. i am really lonely. i want everything to go back to the way it was.
but i know this is where i’m supposed to be.
and i know that emilie is praying for me.