The thorn in Paul’s flesh. We don’t really know what it was, but some speculate that it was an eyesight issue. It could have been the loss of a loved one. It may have been someone who tormented Paul incessantly. If I had been Paul instead of Paul being Paul, the thorn in my flesh would have been finances. I look around just my workroom and realize how much stuff I have. I know that we are rich compared to the rest of the world. But worrying about paying the bills and worrying about how to make ends meet and doing fast figuring in my head (which by the way gives me a headache) makes my heart quicken and my faith shake.
For 3 weeks now, I have been very content and able to rely upon the Lord. I’m just living life and not worrying about the future too much. Chris and I have a sketchy outline of our life for this year, and I have been able to let it go and trust God! It has been very refreshing and invigorating.
Last year, I cried so many tears and shouldered so many financial burdens that I didn’t think that I would ever be able to get past it. However, with God’s strength I was able to push through and see God’s faithfulness in it all! It is the best thing ever!
Then these past 2 days happened and the enemy is working his little claws back into my heart! At church a friend of mine asked me what the plan was and so I told her that Chris and I have decided that we would rather him teach in a smaller community so we are going to make it through this year and then most likely move one. She looked at me and said, “You have an amazing attitude.” All I could say was, “Last year is over! Anything is better than last year!” She was being encouraging and loving and kind. It was sweet to hear that (I was trying not to get a big head). However, a tiny seed of doubt was planted. I REFUSE to let it grow into something bigger! God has taken care of us and has been faithful. Last year is over and we made it through as a family! We have seen miracles with our finances. Honestly, we shouldn’t have been able to pay Elizabeth each pay period, and we were given the means to do it! We were loved on by our friends constantly encouraging us, praying for us, and providing for us when we needed a shoulder to cry on or a little bit more money to pay for Chris’s schooling.
We are blessed. I have been humbled by God’s grace and His generousity. And I will show Him my gratefulness by doubting Him for tomorrow? I don’t think so! I choose this day to serve Him. I will not deny Him by believing my misgivings are bigger than He is. I will have to repeat this to myself about every 5 minutes, but I will do it if it helps me to trust the Lord!